you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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