we need to drink 2009 down the drain
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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