Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
