I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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