i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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