loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize