Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
