oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
