I am spending my child support on dildos
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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