i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
pray to the hookup gods
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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