Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
