Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
