Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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