Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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