Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
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Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
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But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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