Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
