last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
