bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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