it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
