I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
