so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize