eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Maybe he injected his testicle?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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