cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize