Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
