Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
