I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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