I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
