tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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