I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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