so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
