Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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