I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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