I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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