Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
