While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
