you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
