please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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