I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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