My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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