tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
