my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize