OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
