You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
