I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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