I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
