I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
