Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
