her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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