I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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