So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
