I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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