Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
