I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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