No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
