maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
