he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize