It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
home. puking in laundry basket.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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