We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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