i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Bring me that man meat
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
