He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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