glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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