He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
