her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
