hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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