If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
