I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
